2010년 4월 27일 화요일

emotions

what ARE emotions...?
what is the feeling of being happy, sad, in love, depressed, ...
what are they?
i do not know the answers because there is no emotion in me...
i cannot feel emotions anymore... why is this? whats happening to me?
i live everyday just living... but where are the emotions that embraced me so nights ago?
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that is what i felt like a few days ago...
but i found one emotion that is trying to force it self in... this was the emotion that i havent felt in years... the emotion of ______. why is my heart going "pit-pat"? why is this happening?
it shouldnt be doing it! it cant do it! but why is that the emotion came back so recently? this feeling that shouldnt be there is keeping me up in the nights and keeping alert during the day.... why... this strange feeling is taking me over like a drug... a drug to an ex-drug addict...
drug that i should not take... but why is it that im enjoying this drug... why...?

2010년 4월 10일 토요일

our limited time

wow... its already middle of april... we are already down to our final weeks together and its going to be very das when everyone is going to different places...(ok mostly uf but still)

i guess that its just me that is thinking about stuff like this... wanting to hang out more while we can, wanting to talk more to others, wanting to make more memories, wanting to...

even tough some say that we have time later to hang out i feel sad BECAUSE i wont be here, BECAUSE i cant do things like that, BECAUSE...

i also wished that some friends WOULD keep in touch, even now, and not just act friendly @ school, because we will NEVER be able to keep in touch after high school.

sometimes i wonder if we ARE still going to be friends after we leave each other... sometimes i wonder if my 'friends" are my real friends
sometimes i wonder if in ten years we can still talk and have a good time like we do now
sometimes i wonder if i never came down to tallahassee, fl ever again... if some one will miss me
sometimes i wonder do my friends WANT to keep in touch or am i trying too hard when they dont want to...
sometimes i wonder if they really care about me...
sometimes i wonder...

i guess me trying to open myself to people are failing... something that i tried so hard to do... opening a closed heart to people... because i was hurt before... opening something so dear and important to me... i thought doing this will help me and others as well... i guess i was just being too annoying...

because our end is near i must thank all of my friends, who may not even consider me as important as i consider them, of the things they done for me that they cant even wonder how much it effected me in the hardest times... in my darkest hours... thank you so much

lets enjoy our limited time together!!