The meaning of "thanksgiving"

On thanksgiving morning i cried uncontrollably because i thought it was a good idea to look through some pictures from years back. but little did i know, those pictures made me cry so much because it reminded me of my mom and how much i missed her. the day before thanksgiving my dad asked me what i was thanking God for and i told him that i was thankful for my dad living, our family not falling apart, how God gave us the strength to persevere through this, and just everything that happened. i guess you could say that i had a "good" thanksgiving because i got so much out of it but it was a lonely thanksgiving as well...

I guess i'm just ____________.

1) I guess i'm just annoying.- i felt like this because i was always trying to act "happy" that i prob gotten a little annoying to others around me and so they prob ignore me as much as possible. and i agree. I'm not fun to be with... I just get in to other people's business and try to find out about the other person as much as possible so i can help them. but i guess that "helping" them was a bad idea... because people DO get tired of me and I'm also getting tired of my self. So i guess if i AM going to MCPHS in Boston it would be a good chance to change my self to be less annoying.
2) I guess i'm just lonely.- I've been getting that a lot. that, going with #1, im just a character that makes others tired and so i feel lonely all the time. maybe its because most of my friends has their best friends that they can talk to or they have their own boy/girlfriend and so they dont need to talk to me. i feel like fall brings out all the loneliness in a person. i want to go out with my friends, have someone that i can depend on, and just be really happy... but maybe that is a wild dream that can never be achieved.
3) I guess i'm just over looking at friendships- i wrote in my phone that "I think it is so amazing that friendships of many years are next to nothing, but friendships that i made at a little summer camp lasts a life time... but i guess this is life. friendships are nothing but a fake smile on the face. waiting to betray you. waiting to devour you when it is time to say 'goodbye'. and when that time comes what will i do? will i cry? be happy? confused? what will the other person say? would THEY be sad? happy? confused? OR would they laugh at me because i take things too literal? what would happen to me when that time comes?" And i think i what wrote on my phone is true in come cases. some friendships are made to last long but others just fail. maybe that is why no one wants to be with me... maybe i'm just a terrible friend...
4) i guess i'm just ____________________.- now you fill out this part!! what do you think about me??

Being Lonely

So lately I've been feeling down and I can't express this feeling. I guess it is loneliness + depression + all the negative energy... I felt like this because I just get the feeling that when ever people tell me that "I'm here for you so what ever you need just call" is not true because i get the feeling that everyone calm them selves down from that event even though I'm suffering right now and I just can't open up to people right now by my self. And I just realized that the "friendship" that I have with so many people is "fake" because I guess that no one cares for me anymore. Like this Sunday when I got in to a car accident no one asked me is I was ok at church. The only thing that they ask ed me was "was it you fault?" and that kinda hurt me because I was having an emotional brake down because of what happened with my mom and for them to just ask "is it your fault?" was unnecessary. Also at school no one really cared that I was a little injured they were all like "oh... whatever" attitude... and not to say that they are all like that because a few of my friends, my sisters, really cared for me and truly asked if i was ok and stuff, which I am thankful for that.
I guess it is so weird because the ones that asked if I WAS ok was the non-christian sisters and the christian "friends and people" were like "i don't care about your problem why are you being so annoying and telling me this kind of things..." attitude. I guess I just can't trust anyone anymore to be there for me when ever I need something.
But thanks to my two lovely Chinese sisters that I can still have that little hope of thinking that someone cares for me!!! =]