So lately I've been feeling down and I can't express this feeling. I guess it is loneliness + depression + all the negative energy... I felt like this because I just get the feeling that when ever people tell me that "I'm here for you so what ever you need just call" is not true because i get the feeling that everyone calm them selves down from that event even though I'm suffering right now and I just can't open up to people right now by my self. And I just realized that the "friendship" that I have with so many people is "fake" because I guess that no one cares for me anymore. Like this Sunday when I got in to a car accident no one asked me is I was ok at church. The only thing that they ask ed me was "was it you fault?" and that kinda hurt me because I was having an emotional brake down because of what happened with my mom and for them to just ask "is it your fault?" was unnecessary. Also at school no one really cared that I was a little injured they were all like "oh... whatever" attitude... and not to say that they are all like that because a few of my friends, my sisters, really cared for me and truly asked if i was ok and stuff, which I am thankful for that.
I guess it is so weird because the ones that asked if I WAS ok was the non-christian sisters and the christian "friends and people" were like "i don't care about your problem why are you being so annoying and telling me this kind of things..." attitude. I guess I just can't trust anyone anymore to be there for me when ever I need something.
But thanks to my two lovely Chinese sisters that I can still have that little hope of thinking that someone cares for me!!! =]
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